Why do “PAS Experts” whimp out?
So why do PAS experts “whimp-out” and what can you do about it?
For the sake of this post… I won’t go into another heated debate about what constitutes an individual as being an expert. I will however state that I am referring to someone you’ve hired, the court has appointed or you’re being asked to see in regards to your PAS case. This goes for consultants, therapists AND lawyers.
#1: they aren’t an expert
They may have a very successful practice, business or group. Their names are tossed around by all of the “important” people in the industry. They are members of all of the “important” groups, organizations and foundations. They have degrees, teach other professionals and regard themselves as pillars of the community. They may have consulted, provided expert witness testimony and evaluated for hundreds of PAS related cases… BUT… that does not make them an expert of PAS.
Beware of the profiteers! Anyone who will say or do anything for a buck. One minute they argue that PAS doesn’t exist, but in the next hearing they are telling a judge and anyone who will listen how PAS is destroying a family. Don’t assume that a judge, your lawyer or anyone else for that matter knows who these two-faced people are or is willing to tell you who they are. Do your own research, find your own experts and don’t just ask your lawyer who you will be using… TELL, DEMAND and INSIST on who you will be using to help your case. Start with the internet. Look for people that have focused on PAS. Find out who has been attending and speaking at PAS conferences. Call pro PAS organizations and ask them who they recommend. You will start to hear the same names over and over. Call those people and have a simple chat. You will know within 5 minutes if the person you are speaking to understands PAS and more importantly if they know how to handle it properly.
#2: they aren’t willing to confront a bully
How many times have any of us been confronted with a bully throughout our lives? I’ve had a few. And each time I tried to diffuse the situation by not making it worse… boy or girl, I think most of us take this path. It involves avoiding the bully and changing my own actions and behaviors in order to not attract the bully’s attention. Makes sense right? Its so much easier than actually trying to get the bully to stop bullying. This tactic does not change just because we grow up, become adults, earn a degree, get a job and wear a suit everyday to the office. If anything, as we enter the professional world it becomes standard operating procedure as who would condone “meet me at the playground after last bell”.
In a PAS case you are dealing with the same scenario… a bully and the bully’s victims. Lawyers, therapists, guardian ad litems, and judges can become victims just as much as the family involved. It doesn’t matter what the evidence is, written, historical or otherwise. Bully’s are experts at distorting the truth, preying upon your weaknesses and the tirelessly pursuit of conflict. On the other hand, the rest of us have practiced compromise, peace, avoidance and the path of least resistance. In the case of PAS… a perfect recipe for disaster.
PAS cases require the exposure of hard truths, the first truth being that there is a bully, and that bully should be dealt with just like the one on the playground. The playground bully should be exposed for what he/she is, reprimanded for being a menace and then steps taken to prevent the bullying. You wouldn’t tell all of the other kids to avoid playing outside on the playground to avoid being bullied so why do experts recommend to victims of PAS to do just that. Lawyers recommend settling for less than what is your right as a parent. Experts evaluate and provided testimony suggesting compromises and tend to take a “its everyone’s fault” position and make recommendations that split the responsibility down the middle. Meanwhile the bully is left to continue to alienated the children, waist the courts time and money and provide ample opportunity to expose their own children to a litany of psychological and sometimes physical abuse.
So how do you find experts that will call it what it is and make recommendations that stop the bullying? Again, I recommend doing your own research and not leaving it up to just your lawyer. There are professionals that are willing to take the risks necessary to provide insight and solutions to the courts that will make a difference in dealing with Alienators. Now, how willingly the courts follow through on these recommendations is another topic completely.
#3: risks are to high
I mention this above… “There are professionals that are willing to take the risks necessary to provide insight and solutions to the courts that will make a difference”. What risks? you ask. You remember the bullies on the playground… well now they are adults. If children that bully are hand-full to deal with, don’t like getting in trouble and being reprimanded for their actions how do you think an adult bully will handle it? Not well.
Besides the myriad of ways that alienating parents manipulate the system and reek havoc on the courts and their own family… here are few tactics they use to insure that even the best experts refrain from even taking the stand… there are even cases of other professional using the tactics mentioned below to eliminate competitors.
• they file a malpractice lawsuit against the PAS expert/therapist/evaluator
First of all, not everyone has malpractice insurance. Unlike medical doctors… therapist, evaluators and psychologists are not required by law to carry malpractice insurance (contrary to what a lot of mis-informed laywers will tell you). So the cost incurred to fight a lawsuit becomes their sole responsibility.
Now some of malpractice insurance. This can be good or bad depending on who you ask. The insurance companies can charge a lot for malpractice insurance (just like they do for all other kinds of insurance… take one quick look at any downtown city landscape and notice the names on the biggest buildings). So the therapist may be paying the insurance company to protect them but its up to the insurance company NOT the therapist, how a malpractice lawsuit will be handled. The insurance company determines whether they settle out of court and under which conditions. Insurance companies settle most of these out of court because its cheaper to do so rather that go to court. So basically, you may have one or several malpractice claims that settled out of court, making it look like you are guilty of malpractice, hurting your reputation, but infact… you are only guilty of being completely controlled by your insurance company.
Another consideration with malpractice insurance… lawyers love it. If they decide to sue someone or file a malpractice lawsuit, they want money and the insurance company has it and will easily give it up to make a major court trial go away quickly. There are actually cases of lawyers calling a therapist to ask what kind of malpractice company they carry. They are surprised to hear that they many not have one. I believe that malpractice insurance actually CREATES lawsuits.
• they file complaints with the state licencesure board
These are free, malpractice lawsuits are not, so they are very popular with angry, disgruntled PA parents. Even if the expert has malpractice insurance, it doesn’t cover board complaints. An expert is not protected just because a judge or court ordered them to participate on any given case. This is extremely serious business as the expert can loose their license to practice. It requires the same if not thousands more to fight with the help of a lawyer and other experts to protect yourself from a board that may not even agree with the terms PA and PAS. So the expert has a choice. Speak the truth and risk the retaliation of an angry PAS parent, or keep it right down the middle and protect yourself.
• they start blogs or launch campaigns full of malicious gossip and untruths
Again, these are free so they are very popular. Typical bullying tactics.
So, as an expert/therapist/evaluator, if you are asked to address the issue of PAS and you have the above mentioned risks hanging over your head… how likely are you to want to make anyone angry… most of all an alienating parent or better put, a bully?
As an expert, you are putting your neck out, taking a huge risk. The cost, the time, the battles, the inability to make a living may be too much to fight against. There has to be a way to protect those who are trying to protect children. Do we want teachers, doctors and others to refrain from reporting the abuse of a child because they are worried about the repercussions. This is exactly what the system does to anyone addressing PA and PAS in the courtroom. The system protects the alienator, not the children.
Not all experts “whimp out”, and some don’t “whimp out” all of the time. Just be aware that whomever you have working on your case has to think about not only your case but their own ability to work and live as well. Do your own footwork and ask LOTS of questions. The same goes for lawyers… they can “whimp out” too.
